Love for life

 A reflection on Mark 10:2-16 [Sunday 3rd October 2021)

Marriage is a keystone in the life of most people.  Falling in love, making a commitment and staying faithful to it is the story of so many people. Thank God for this.  All societies value marriage: it is the bedrock of happy relationships, stable and nurturing environments for children to grow up in and the means by which couples support each other in the ups and downs of life.

I am afraid that the ideal of marriage – as a self-sacrificing love that lasts until death of one partner – is not the reality for many, many people especially in these Western and post-modern societies.  It may come as a surprise to those not familiar with the scriptures and Jewish history that divorce was common place in the time of Jesus. In fact, the grounds for a man to issue a decree of divorce were flimsy enough.  In this context the clear, blunt and uncompromising teaching of Jesus was as shocking to those who heard Jesus 2,000 years ago as it is to those of us today who take care to listen to the Word of God and take it seriously. Indeed, in our own lifetimes we have seen huge changes in attitudes and behaviours where sex, marriage, birth control, divorce and remarriage are concerned.  Here in Ireland two bitter referenda were fought in 1986 and again in 1995 to remove the constitutional ban on divorce. The latter referendum was carried by the slimmest of margins at that time.

It would be all too easy in these few words this Sunday to talk about divorce and how to navigate this topic given the cultural context in which the Bible refers to divorce as well as the varying interpretations and pastoral challenges that confront the churches today. The matter has been compounded by the question of same-sex marriages. Let me not go there this Sunday. Rather, let me focus on what is essential, radical and compassionate about Jesus’s teaching about marriage.

In the teachings of Jesus love comes before every rule and every custom.  The Sabbath was made for men and women and not the other way round. Marriage is a wonderful and free gift for those ready to receive it.  Marriage grows from the love of two people. What is special about married love is that it is exclusive to two persons.  Not just that but it is for life – at least until one partner passes from this life.  Finally, marriage is open to new life because sexual love is ordered to the union of those married as well as the procreation of new life – God willing and circumstances permitting of course!

Today, sadly, as in Jesus’s day many fall short of the ideal of an exclusive, life-giving and life-long relationship ‘until death do us part’.  There are as many reasons for this as they there are married persons. To stay faithful means so much and has huge benefits for children, women, men and for society as a whole of which family is the basic unit.

We should do everything possible to help individuals and couples remain faithful to their married vows.  Of course, in a minority of cases, physical and psychological abuse indicate that separation is the best way forward for everyone.  Most cases of relationship breakdown are not so clear cut.  Much prayer, dialogue and support is required to help people in difficulties.

I can speak from personal experience that marital separation is a hugely traumatic and heart breaking experience and one that is not made lightly.

Many find themselves in second relationships.  Some even go through the terrible trauma of divorce which is devastating financially, psychologically and spiritually.  Many remarry and find new happiness and joy.  We must look with eyes of compassion on those wounded by such experiences even if the outcome is a positive and loving commitment.  I have no easy answers.  It is easy to quote those verses of scripture to defend a ‘liberal’ approach or a strict ‘no exceptions’ approach to divorce and remarriage.

The best way of responding to a world turned upside down is to re-affirm Christian values of:

• Love for life
• Loving sexual union
• Love for family.

If people should find love, life and freedom in remarriage after a journey of pain and separation who am I or who is anyone to exclude them from full communion in and with the Body of Christ?